When it comes to the dissolution of marriage, the subject is most often discussed from the standpoint of how it affects the women involved. In fact, there has been very little discussion of the effects marital breakdown can have on the husbands. There are, of course, a number of very good reasons that help to explain why there has, until recently, been almost no public examination of the male perspective on divorce.
The sad fact is that men often fail to talk about their feelings about breakups, due to a combination of learned behaviors and society-imposed expectations. Few men spend a lot of time talking about their feelings with their friends, so they often end up internalizing their anguish. This has led to a somewhat common belief that marriage breakups have less of an impact on the men involved. That's simply not the case.
The simple fact is that divorces leave men with feelings of failure, which is one of the hardest emotional issues for any man to confront. This is worsened by the general tendency of society to define men by their accomplishments. Because of that outlook, men lose self-respect when they fail at almost anything, and the biggest failure most people can ever experience is the failure of the marriage union.
As the marriage completely disintegrates, men can lose an identity that often centers around their chief role as the husband in a happy union. That role often provides the central focus of many men's identities, even when they have great careers or other interests. The loss of that marital role can send men scrambling to discover exactly what their identity is without the easy definition provided by marriage.
This feeling of being without a clear identity can be exasperated even more when there are children involved. Since many divorces end with the mother as primary custodian, the man's relationship with his children can be negatively impacted. This can lead to both grief and anger for those fathers, since their paternal needs are often left unmet.
That grief creates an entirely new set of problems, since many men are ill-equipped to properly manage such deep sadness. Women spend lifetimes developing social bonds that are often based upon the sharing of intimate thoughts and feelings. Men are often taught that such interactions with other men are a sign of weakness. Without a proper way to vent those feelings, divorced men hold their emotions in, and can end up drinking heavily or engaging in other harmful activities.
All of these factors can cause many men to suffer various levels of depression. That can, in turn, lead to men isolating themselves from loved ones and friends. It can even result in physical ailments like high blood pressure, tension headaches, and other medical issues. Without an outlet for their emotional trauma, men are often left to struggle alone.
The old myths about men not being negatively affected by marriage breakups are just that: myths. Until society begins to recognize the deep impact that divorces can have on the men involved, divorced husbands will never obtain the understanding and attention they need to successfully recover from the trauma of a failed marriage.
The sad fact is that men often fail to talk about their feelings about breakups, due to a combination of learned behaviors and society-imposed expectations. Few men spend a lot of time talking about their feelings with their friends, so they often end up internalizing their anguish. This has led to a somewhat common belief that marriage breakups have less of an impact on the men involved. That's simply not the case.
The simple fact is that divorces leave men with feelings of failure, which is one of the hardest emotional issues for any man to confront. This is worsened by the general tendency of society to define men by their accomplishments. Because of that outlook, men lose self-respect when they fail at almost anything, and the biggest failure most people can ever experience is the failure of the marriage union.
As the marriage completely disintegrates, men can lose an identity that often centers around their chief role as the husband in a happy union. That role often provides the central focus of many men's identities, even when they have great careers or other interests. The loss of that marital role can send men scrambling to discover exactly what their identity is without the easy definition provided by marriage.
This feeling of being without a clear identity can be exasperated even more when there are children involved. Since many divorces end with the mother as primary custodian, the man's relationship with his children can be negatively impacted. This can lead to both grief and anger for those fathers, since their paternal needs are often left unmet.
That grief creates an entirely new set of problems, since many men are ill-equipped to properly manage such deep sadness. Women spend lifetimes developing social bonds that are often based upon the sharing of intimate thoughts and feelings. Men are often taught that such interactions with other men are a sign of weakness. Without a proper way to vent those feelings, divorced men hold their emotions in, and can end up drinking heavily or engaging in other harmful activities.
All of these factors can cause many men to suffer various levels of depression. That can, in turn, lead to men isolating themselves from loved ones and friends. It can even result in physical ailments like high blood pressure, tension headaches, and other medical issues. Without an outlet for their emotional trauma, men are often left to struggle alone.
The old myths about men not being negatively affected by marriage breakups are just that: myths. Until society begins to recognize the deep impact that divorces can have on the men involved, divorced husbands will never obtain the understanding and attention they need to successfully recover from the trauma of a failed marriage.
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